Christ, I can't believe I'm repeating this

Now it will haunt my profile for even longer...
One evening I had a jolly nice meal at an italian restaurant in town to celebrate my mum's birthday. Needless to say, I ate far too much rich food and got a little too tipsy, so forsook the lift home in order to walk it off. Bad mistake. I suffered from diabolical stomach cramps the whole way home and eventually shat myself on the home stretch, just round the corner from my house. All down my legs. And I was wearing an obscenely short skirt. Tried to clean it up a bit with some leaves without avail, so legged it the rest of the way home to present aforementioned mother with soiled clothing. Got to be one of the sickest birthday presents she's ever had.
Also, on a month long holiday to New Zealand we stayed in a campervan, and everyone swore not to use the provided toilet, instead trekking over to the campsite ones (in pitch black, in your nightie... yeah right). So, needless to say, my overeating once again got the better of me and woke me up in the middle of the night. Jetlagged, I groggily made it into the little loo in the van and dumped my load. Fast forward to the next morning, my dad, retching at the vile stench went to investigate. Alas, no-one had told me there was a cover sealing the toilet UNDER the lid, so the evil turd was just lying there. Ugh.
Sorry for length and general vomit-inducingness.

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